A workmate told me before that I had the potential to be as great as my co-workers. I had the same level of coding ability as the rest, possibly even greater. I could take on more responsibility.

I know my workmate is right.

But the moment I heard those words, I doubted them. My workmate believed in me, but I didn’t believe in myself. And I freeze up when I hear the word “responsibility”.

A senior employee doesn’t always need to have people reporting to them, but they do have a bigger share of this responsibility. They are expected to make decisions and mentor those who lack the knowledge. They are expected to work quicker, to have initiative, and most importantly, to lead others.

Having been in the industry for five years now, I’ve seen friends and workmates go up the career ladder. What about myself? Why am I still a mid-level developer?

I’m too scared to go up, because I feel that I’m not good enough.

I don’t like being made to look dumb. But what I hate more is the feeling that I don’t know how to do something, or can’t understand it. I’m not sure if being a perfectionist has something to do with it, or if I’m even one. I just know that – if I’m not confident that I know it, I won’t budge.

And this is the reason why I’m stuck. Completely, utterly stuck.

• I don’t want to be too stressed due to work.
• I don’t want to be held responsible if the task goes bad.
• I can’t lead others if I don’t know it myself.
• I don’t want to look bad in front of my workmates.
• I look too young; people will never take me seriously.

But I need to be honest now – I’m only making excuses!

• Being stuck in a rut is stressing me out.
• I’ve done my fair share of boo-boos already. I already know the feeling, why should I be scared now?
• No one knows everything about anything. Period.
• Pride comes before a fall. I must let go of my pride and not be afraid to make mistakes. That’s the only way we can learn.
• My workmates take me seriously. I’m the only one who can’t.

So yeah. I’ve already established that I don’t know everything. Until I admit that to myself, and start trying new experiences (like taking the lead), I can’t move forward.

As the Chinese saying goes, “If you truly seek understanding, then first, empty your cup!”